Five Days After Birth, Her Husband Refused To Help. Then The Folder Came Out-Ginny

Five days after I gave birth, my husband looked at our crying newborn and said, “You had him, so you take care of him.”

Then he raised the volume on the television.

Not a little.

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Enough that the voices on the screen swallowed half of Noah’s crying and made the bedroom feel even smaller than it already was.

I remember the smell first.

Warm milk.

Hospital soap still clinging to the robe I had not had the energy to wash.

Cold coffee sitting on the nightstand in a paper cup my mother had brought me from the hospital lobby and I had forgotten after two sips.

The lamp beside the bed made everything look too yellow.

The baby monitor hissed even though Noah was right there in my arms, his tiny face red, his mouth open, his whole body fighting the world because he had only been in it for five days.

I was still weak.

I was still sore in places I did not know a woman could be sore.

Every step felt like negotiation.

Every time I sat down, I had to plan how I would stand back up.

My shirt was damp with milk.

My arms trembled from holding Noah for hours.

And Daniel sat there with the remote in his hand like fatherhood was something happening in another room.

“Daniel,” I said quietly, “I need you.”

He stared at the television.

A laugh track played from some show neither of us was watching.

“I need sleep,” I said.

His mother, Patricia, was sitting in the armchair near our dresser.

She had one ankle crossed over the other and a glass bowl of grapes balanced on her knee.

Every time she lifted her hand, her gold bracelets made a soft little clink.

It was a pretty sound.

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